


An Offer You Can't Refuse

by frackin_sweet



Category: Naruto
Genre: Arranged Marriage, First argument, M/M, Madara is not your wedding planner, Making Up, Toka just wants to see you squirm, Yakuza undertones, has a bit of an alternate timeline/alternate reality feel, prenup shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:20:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frackin_sweet/pseuds/frackin_sweet
Summary: In which the happy couple-to-be has a misunderstanding, a disagreement, and then work it out. Follows the events ofCharm Offensiveby a few weeks.-OR-Madara is kind of a don,Tobirama does a hot construction worker impression,and Kagami exhibits a lot of well-known Uchiha traits.Bumped up to a mature rating just to be sure, but it's still pretty tame.





	An Offer You Can't Refuse

Madara Uchiha often conducts clan business out of the back of a tavern on the margins of the village. (He’d have you think he was being a man of the people, but Kagami knows it’s actually that he has a keen sense of theatrics).

When Kagami is summoned, shortly after his betrothal to Tobirama Senju, he’s pretty sure he knows why. If the stories are true, he’s probably going to be expected to perform an atonement. So much for his sword grip.

He greets the aunties working the front of the house, and they wave him through to a table screened off from the rest of the tavern. They’re used to the whole process, probably including the part where bodies are covertly disposed of. Hell, they probably help.

Madara sits cross-legged on the floor, reading a scroll. He doesn’t look up as Kagami approaches. 

He kneels, and waits. With Madara-sama, you don’t speak until you’re spoken to. Which is how he ends up kneeling throughout the reading of that entire scroll, a cryptic conversation between Madara and some scarred Uchiha lieutenant, and the serving of tea.

They drink their tea in silence, but finally Kagami can’t take it anymore, and pulls out a kunai. Might as well get the finger thing over with.

“Kagami, what the hell are you doing?” Madara pauses, teacup halfway to his mouth.

“Um. I thought…” Kagami freezes. “You called me here because I’m going to marry Tobirama Senju. And now you want my formal apology?” He centers himself, preparing for the nod that will precipitate the finger-cutting. Shinobi are no strangers to pain. It shouldn’t be that bad. Right?

Madara barks a laugh and takes a large slurp of his tea. “Boy, did you read that one wrong.” He gestures at Kagami with his chin. “Put the kunai down, idiot.”

“Oh.” Kagami replaces the kunai in its holster. “You, er, wanted to see me?”

“Yes. Hashirama keeps harping on me to meet with his wife to do wedding planning nonsense, and as neither I nor you are a woman, we’re going to establish a few important guidelines ahead of time, and then we will leave the rest to them. It’s not like I have time for that shit.”

Seriously, Madara can be a fussy old crank. “Not only women enjoy wedding planning.” Kagami flinches a little at the baleful look this earns him. “With all due respect, Madara-sama.”

“Kagami, let me be blunt. If you cared about my respect, you wouldn’t be so obviously excited to marry a Senju.” He says the name like it tastes bad, and then follows this up with a raised-hands gesture of surrender that is the most passive-aggressive thing Kagami has ever seen. “But I get it. You’re in _love_. Or you have some perverted fantasy about getting railed by that freak and you didn’t want to dishonor the clan by doing so out-of-wedlock. And since I gave my vow to Hashirama that I wouldn’t kill his brother....here we are.”

“Here we are.” Kagami echoes. He looks down at his tea getting cold and tries heroically to not think about getting railed by Tobirama Senju. Because _god_. 

“So. On to business.” Madara abruptly rolls up the scroll he’s been reading. “I’ve written up your pre-nuptial agreement. All appears to be in order.”

“Do I get to see it?”

“You don't need to see it. It’s not like you have a lot of wealth or property to worry about.” Madara sets the scroll aside. “The main concern was that, in the event of your death, your body is to be returned to the clan in an _un-interfered-with_ state.” 

“I don’t follow.”

Madara clicks his tongue impatiently. “In plain language, I don’t want your _husband_ doing scientific experiments. Possibly to gain access to bloodline limits, or other nefarious things.” He pours himself more tea. “Come on, Kagami, you can’t think he wants you for your body in only the sense that you’re so obviously preoccupied with.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Because of course, Tobirama _does so_ want him for his body...so far they haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together, but of this Kagami is sure. “If he wanted...physical material...I don’t have to be dead for him to get that.” Kagami frowns. “And also, he wouldn’t do something like that.” 

“See, this is why you’ve never been tasked with gathering intel. You’re too willing to think the best of people.” Madara’s mouth is a thin line. “And you can spare me the imagery.” He turns to indicate boxes and other containers amassing in a corner behind him. “For whatever infernal reason, people have chosen to be generous about your impending marriage, so you have a number of wedding gifts piling up in here. I’ve let your betrothed know that he’s expected to provide you with a dwelling worthy of you and all your crap.” He raises an eyebrow at Kagami. “I can require that it be a separate dwelling, even, if that’s something you want.”

“What - no! We’re going to live together, obviously!”

“You may want to take some time to think about that, Kagami. My sources tell me that he owns a dilapidated house on the edge of the village, and doesn’t care about its condition because he usually sleeps in his office, or his lab.”

Kagami has seen this house, and it’s not so bad, so he just shakes his head. “It’s fine. Just put whatever you need to in the agreement - I don’t need a separate house. Who even does that?”

“Married people.” Madara shrugs. “But fine, whatever.” He picks up one more scroll and taps it on the table. “Finally, this came from your precious family-to-be the other day, and it’s going to require more advanced negotiations. I’m not prepared to agree to these conditions for whatever children you two have together.”

At least Kagami is ready for this one, because he knows that both he and Tobirama want the same thing; they have talked about it in detail. “Why not? The village has plenty of kids who need parents. If we want children, we’ll adopt, and our kids will have both clan names, to reflect the blended family line,” he explains reasonably. “The marriage creates a deeper alliance between Uchiha and Senju. So our heirs would be the living, breathing future of that alliance.”

“Oh. That’s...kind of cute, that you think that’s what this says.” Madara snorts. “Stupid, but cute.” He holds up the scroll. “I’ll have you know the Senju are as interested in propagating their bloodline as we are. So this contains the names of female Senju who are available to assist with that process. And it asserts the necessity of a list of Uchiha kunoichi for the same purpose.” His lips curl in a bit of an unpleasant smile. “Do you need me to explain how that would work?”

Kagami’s mouth falls open. “But that’s...they can’t...”

“People have volunteered, Kagami. Much as you did. It’s apparently considered an honor.” He turns the scroll so Kagami can read the list of names. “These are all kunoichi of high skill and status, volunteering to let you -”

“Yeah? Well, we’ll see about that!” Kagami wishes he’d come up with a better comeback, but still, the speed with which he swipes the scroll out of Madara’s hand is impressive. Because this needs to be resolved and right _now_.

So he bows. “Madara-sama. Thank you for the information. I’ll, uh, handle this.”

“Just don’t let yourself get sidetracked, Kagami,” Madara’s voice calls after him. “Advanced negotiations. Remember that.”

 

*

 

So, Tobirama’s house. It’s not actually dilapidated, just a rambling old family farmhouse, with weathered walls and a steep, thatched roof. Kagami knows Tobirama has been working to make it more comfortable before winter sets in.

Which is why the man himself appears around the corner of the house, long planks balanced on one shoulder. Kagami stays under cover of the surrounding brush so he can just watch for a few minutes. Tobirama’s hair is damp, the tips spiky and silver. When he drops to one knee so that he can put down the load of planks, Kagami has to swallow a few times because of the way his sweaty shirt molds to the long, dense triangle of muscle flexing under his arm from shoulder to waist. _Aarghh_.

Tobirama puts one hand on the ground beside him, and after a few seconds looks right towards the hedges. “Kagami,” he calls out. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

Kagami comes out of the hedge. “You knew I was here before you even sensed me, didn’t you.”

“Well. I’ve become quite attuned to you.” Tobirama stands, and Kagami again has to deal with the full effect of his presence, which amounts, for him, to a state of semi-arousal during which he can’t think clearly. The exposed clavicle and clingy shirt are not helping at _all_. 

“Oi, Tobi, here’s that hammer!” a voice yells, and a large mallet whizzes through the air at high speed. Tobirama reacts instantly, pushing Kagami behind him with one hand, and catching the mallet in the other. 

If swooning was a thing he did, Kagami would be doing it _so hard right now_. As it is he has to hang onto Tobirama’s waist to keep from falling over a little. Dimly, he gathers his wits and steps out from behind his betrothed to see a very tall, very stacked Senju relative hop down from the thatched roof. “Hello, Toka-san,” he greets her. 

“Kagami-san, a pleasure,” she nods. Then she smacks Tobirama in the arm, hard enough to make him flinch. “I gather we’re done for the day, then. Let me know when you’re actually ready to work, cousin.”

Kagami realizes something, and his eyes widen. “Toka-san - “ he looks down at the scroll in his hands. “My clan head has a list of kunoichi willing to...who offered to…did you…?”

Toka lifts one narrow eyebrow, because of course she’s the type to make him finish the statement, but he can’t, not with Tobirama looking at him like that.

Toka finally gives in. “It’s the list,” she clarifies for Tobirama’s benefit. “You know. _The list_.”

Tobirama’s eyes narrow, and his voice drops to a growl. “That list was classified, and not for eyes outside of the Hokage’s office.”

“Was it? Well, we were also told it was hypothetical…” Toka shrugs. “I wanted to be supportive of your and Kagami’s marriage, so I volunteered.” With a sidelong grin, she reaches out and ruffles Kagami’s hair. “You can’t blame me, really.”

Tobirama carefully moves her hand away. “We thank you for your support, then.” He takes the scroll from Kagami. 

As Toka leaves, Kagami follows Tobirama into the house. “I think she could kill me with her thighs,” Kagami whispers, half horrified and half in awe.

“She could kill you with her toes, but that’s probably not the issue.” He unrolls the scroll and scans it. “You got this from Madara, you say?”

“Yes, he said it was couriered separately from the other marriage documents.” Kagami looks around the room and notices that the fire in the hearth has gone out. Now that they’re out of the sun, the room is chilly. Even Tobirama in all of his chiseled...stoicism...has to be cold. “You should change out of those sweaty clothes. I’ll restart the fire.” 

He picks up the tongs to arrange the logs in the hearth, and then performs brief one-handed seals before leaning over to exhale through his fingers. The dry wood ignites with sharp tongues of orange flame.

Tobirama is watching him with the barest hint of a smile. “You’re handy to have around.”

“I try.” Kagami looks up as Tobirama comes over to sit beside him. “Aren’t you going to change?”

He shrugs, an elegant gesture even from such wide shoulders. “I haven’t been sleeping here, so I don’t have extra clothes.” He raises an eyebrow. “Do I smell bad?”

Kagami can’t help himself, he inhales deeply through his nose. “I’m probably not an impartial judge of that. I always like it.” He finds himself smiling because, yeah, the smell of Tobirama’s skin affects him like good drugs. 

Tobirama rotates his shoulder once, twice, and frowns at the slight popping sound. He tilts his head to one side and digs his fingers into muscle. “Well. Good thing Toka’s gone, she’d be crowing about how I’m getting soft.”

Kagami manages to refrain from waxing poetic about how Tobirama is anything but soft. “Are you sore?” he asks.

“Stiff, maybe.”

Oh, all the double entendre he’s being forced to ignore, it’s shameful, really. “Here,” he says. “Sit down. Let me help you.”

Kneeling behind Tobirama gives him the leverage he needs to really probe the tense muscle between neck and shoulder. Kagami starts his ministrations over Tobirama’s shirt, but it is really getting in the way so he tugs one sleeve. “Take this off.”

“You’re a bossy one today.” Tobirama pulls his shirt over his head. “There. Do your worst.”

So, Kagami had probably better get a little bit used to this before they’re actually married, because right now this much of Tobirama’s naked skin is enough to make him a little light-headed. Possibly from all the blood in his head rushing straight south, or possibly from intense aesthetic appreciation. 

Nope, it’s the blood leaving his head. Kagami sways a little bit on his knees behind Tobirama _get ahold of yourself Uchiha by all that’s holy do not fucking faint because that’s a sure mood-killer godDAMMIT_ . He inhales serenity and exhales thirst, sets the pad of his thumb against the trapezius muscle, and presses down.

Tobirama inhales sharply through his nose and then gives a little grunt. “Again. Harder.”

Okay, great, now he has to contend with that voice, saying those things. Kagami does it again, harder, and watches a trail of redness follow his fingers. He barely has to touch Tobirama’s pale skin for it to flush. 

Kagami feels the words as much as he hears them. “So. You spoke with Madara, earlier.” Madara’s name has an especially growly quality to it.

And, yes, back to his original purpose, thank all the gods for Tobirama’s ability to focus. Kagami would forget his own name in a few minutes at this rate. “Yes. He called me to his office, which is basically just the back room of a tavern but you’d think he was the Hokage in there -” Kagami’s hands stop moving for a second - “no disrespect intended to your honorable brother, of course.”

“Of course.” That’s what Tobirama sounds like when he’s trying not to smile...Kagami loves that he knows that.

“Anyhow, he’s all worked up because Mito-sama apparently wanted to meet with him about the wedding...wow, I never knew you had _freckles_ , that’s amazing…” Kagami runs his fingers lightly over the stippled skin at the back of Tobirama’s neck.

“My sister-in-law gets very excited about weddings, you’ll have to forgive her. Her daughters aren’t of marriageable age yet.”

 _Freckles_. “What about her sons? Isn’t one of them married?”

“That’s different.”

Kagami isn’t quite sure why that would be, but the freckles are making it hard to think. Still, he came over here with a purpose that was not rubbing his hands all over his betrothed. Which is a _fully worthy_ purpose, and one that he might be willing to dedicate himself to, if the issue he came to talk about can be resolved.

“So. The list. That you knew about, and Toka knew about, and apparently several other people knew about, but I didn’t.” He keeps his voice light, concentrating on the rhythmic movements of his fingers, and the way Tobirama presses back against his hands.

“Toka has a bit of a sadistic streak sometimes. She probably wanted to see you flustered.”

“Mmhm, if you say so.” Kagami sets his elbow against a point between shoulder blade and spine, and digs in. “I was, I suppose. More so by the fact that you knew about it, though.”

Tobirama grunts at the elbow dig, then sits up and turns to look at Kagami. His expression is unreadable. “I know about it because I made it.”

“What?”

“I made that list.”

Kagami stands up, mouth agape. “But...why?”

“I think that would be obvious.”

“Um, no, it’s totally _not_ obvious, not to me.” Kagami forces himself to keep his voice normal. Tobirama is statistically unlikely to react well to yelling. “We had discussed this. Or, had discussed the possibility of having children, how that could work. Should work.” The list of names lies accusingly near Tobirama’s hand. Kagami shoves it with his foot. “Am I to understand that you had been planning to poll your female relatives about who might like to _bear my child_ , or was that kind of a last-minute thing you sent over to Madara-sama on a whim?” 

“I did it after our discussion about children. I assure you, it was in no way last-minute, or on a whim.” Tobirama’s chin comes up on the last word.

“Well. _He_ certainly seemed to find it whimsical, or, rather, that’s not quite right. He thought it was funny that here, poor silly Kagami has been mooning over Tobirama Senju and planning their happy lives together, all the while having _no_ idea what’s in store!”

Tobirama scoffs. “You should know better than to pay any attention to Madara’s opinions, about this in particular.”

“He thought it was _cute_ , Tobirama! Like you’re just...I don’t know, leading me around by the nose, or something. Telling me what I want to hear.” It’s humiliating, first to have his own obliviousness pointed out by Madara, and then to find out the man was right.

“Do you know me as someone who does that?” Tobirama raises an eyebrow. “Tells people what they want to hear?”

“Is that not what you did when we first talked about children?” Kagami drops his voice into a raspy deeper register. “ ‘I agree, Kagami, adoption is the best solution,’ except, you didn’t agree, because afterward you made a list of - or, rather, you asked for volunteers to sleep with me!” At this point he has abandoned calm. “I see why Toka’s on the list - she may not have your coloring but she’s got your build. At least with her I might end up fathering a kid who looks like you, right? Perhaps I should tell you which of my cousins looks a little like me, so you can make sure she’s on the _other_ list?”

“You are being childish.” At this point Tobirama stands up and that must mean it’s really on, because why else would you want to loom drastically over the person you’re arguing with? “I realize that the list offends you, but if you cared to think critically about it, you’d understand why this is important.”

“Think critically? Oh, please, wise Sensei, help me out a little.” Kagami hears the sarcasm in his own voice and knows that he’s only making things worse, but he can’t stop. “Be the second person today who’s treated me like an idiot, and _explain it to me_.”

“If you could calm down and listen, I would do that!”

“Well, I guess the fact that you agreed to give my body back to the clan once I’m dead makes sense now.”

“ _What_?”

“Because it sounds like you’ll already have a good amount of my genetic material on hand. You know...for your many experiments.”

The temperature in the room seems to drop a good twenty degrees. “You presume much, Kagami.” Tobirama’s voice is no less dangerous for being barely above a whisper. The muscles of his chest and shoulders flex, and though that would normally make Kagami weak in the knees, right now his fists are clenched too hard for weakness anywhere else.

“Oh? You told me one thing during a private discussion about something very important, then you went behind my back to make arrangements for something I hadn’t agreed to, knowing I wouldn’t agree to it, and presented it to my clan head as a requirement for marriage!” He takes a step forward, so that his yelling can have its full effect. “ _So how exactly do I presume_??”

“ _By thinking I would let anyone take your body if you died!_ ” Tobirama roars back. “By thinking I could even _let go of it_.” His voice actually cracks as he says it, shocking them both into silence. He backs away from Kagami one full step, and takes a deep breath.

Kagami swallows a couple of times. His throat is raw from yelling, but that’s not why it feels tight all of a sudden. “I...didn’t actually think that. I don’t.” He’s not ready to apologize, but he has to say something. “I may have lost my temper a bit.”

Tobirama appears to be chewing on the inside of his cheek, but he nods. “As did I,” he says eventually. "I don’t want to fight with you. Will you give me a chance to explain?”

Kagami realizes he’s still clenching his fists. He shakes them out, traces of adrenaline still rampaging through his bloodstream. “The thing about if I die...my body...”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it. For all I know Madara was just trying to stir up trouble." Tobirama’s jaw clenches. “And, in case he was serious, my answer to him is never, and go to hell.” 

Kagami nods. “I’m sorry I said what I did. About that.”

Tobirama lifts his chin in acknowledgement. “I remember what you told me the night we were betrothed - that to your clan I was this demon with red eyes and a bloody sword. Clearly those are the gentlest of the stories still being told about me around Uchiha hearths at night.”

For the first time, Kagami can see how much this actually bothers Tobirama. “I don’t believe any of that. Truly, I don’t. I was just...angry.” He looks down at his hands, opening and closing them again. “The thing about having children with you...that we talked about...adopting children orphaned by battle, or shinobi work.”

“I still think that is the best option.”

“But you don’t see it as the only option.”

“Scientifically, it’s not the only option. There could be children, of your blood and mine. But it’s a complex, scientific process. Not one where we have to sleep with each other’s relatives.” He shakes his head. “Did you actually think I would suggest something like that?”

Kagami purses his lips and doesn’t reply. Because, yes. Maybe he kind of...did? “I don’t know. No. And yet…” he trails off, trying to come up with something that doesn’t sound small and childish and hurt.

“It bothers you that Madara thought that.”

This is true enough. “Yes. Although you can pretty much expect him to always think the worst, that’s not new.”

Kagami feels callused fingers tipping his chin upward. Tobirama’s eyes flicker amber-red with firelight. “Kagami.”

“Yes?”

“I am sorry. That list wasn’t meant to be delivered to Madara. It was for research purposes. I will find out how it happened, and deal with it.”

Kagami tries not to lean into Tobirama’s hand. “Just don’t kill or maim anybody. It's not worth that.” 

“Oh? And how does Madara handle disloyalty among those close to him? I suppose missing finger-joints on the sword hand are an Uchiha fad?”

“Wait a second.” Tobirama’s fingers have been carefully stroking his chin, and Kagami needs to be able to think, so he grabs his wrist. “I have an idea.”

“Tell me.”

“So...Madara-sama sent me here expecting me to negotiate my way around your list. What if I told him I convinced you to take it off the table altogether?”

Tobirama looks intrigued. “Continue.”

“He’d be pleased. He’d feel like he got to have his way, _and_ he might think that it would be useful to have me married to you.” Kagami slants a look up through his eyelashes. “Because I could influence you.”

Tobirama’s smile is slow. “I cannot imagine how you might exert such influence.”

Kagami rises up on his toes, so that their faces are maybe a fingertip apart. “With _cunning_ ,” he whispers, drawing out the syllables, backing off just slightly when Tobirama tries to close the distance. “And guile. Both of which I’m sure are well-known Uchiha traits in all of the stories being told around Senju hearths late at night.”

“Both of those, yes, along with your propensity for wanton behavior.” At this, Tobirama spans the back of Kagami’s neck with a big hand and pulls him in for a kiss. 

“And our negotiation skills.” Kagami lets himself be drawn down to the hearth-cushions again.

“Oh, you’re good at that, too?” 

“Very. Like right now I am also negotiating with you about the size and configuration of this house.”

“Yes, I remember something along those lines. I was told that you needed to be housed in a manner befitting your expensive tastes and high social standing within your clan.” Tobirama runs a thumb over Kagami’s lower lip.

“My tastes are so expensive I currently live above a shop. It smells like cats. And as for my...what?” The thumb goes over his lip again, tugging it down. _Why_ is that even erotic?

“I was told you’re bringing a lot of valuable possessions to this union, and that it wasn’t appropriate that they be kept in a barn.” Tobirama follows the movement of his thumb with his tongue, just a quick warm swipe across Kagami’s lower lip before he draws back again to better observe the deterioration of Kagami’s coherence.

“Wedding presents. Stuff. Crap. It’s a lot of crap - oh.” Kagami barely has time to take a breath before Tobirama’s mouth closes over his again, harder and more insistent than before. Goodbye, coherence. Farewell, earlier argument. Making up is much better. The way Tobirama kisses, Kagami is going to argue the shit out of him on the daily. He can be _very_ argumentative. It’s another Uchiha trait.

By now he’s hooked his arms over Tobirama’s shoulders and climbed into his lap, which is a very good place to be. Very stable, particularly with the big hands bracketing his hips like that, pulling him closer, rocking him forward against...and that, that was a very unmanly sound he’s just made. “So, we agree on that...thing..” Kagami whimpers, because okay, Tobirama’s _teeth_ on his _neck_. Fff. “Are you _trying_ to get me to shut up?”

“No.” There’s a pause in the biting, and Kagami feels Tobirama’s nose under his chin, and the hot wash of breath over his throat. “We will talk about it more.” Fingers curl into the hair at the back of his neck and tug. He obediently tips his head back and then _fucking hell_ there is suction. That’s going to leave a _mark_. 

“This...is not...talking!” Kagami can barely get his breath.

“I hear words, though.”

“That is….your conscience...telling you to stop distracting me!” Apparently he sounds outraged enough that Tobirama lets him pull back a little.

“Ah, another reason I like you so much - you’re the one Uchiha who thinks I have a conscience.” But, clearly he does _not_ have one, because he slides his hands under Kagami’s shirt and lifts it off in one smooth motion.

Fortunately, it takes a very long time for the hearth-fire to go out.

 

*

 

“Oho, Kagami-kun!” The ancient auntie who greets him at the bar chortles. “I was going to make you my special medicine that guarantees amorous vigor as a wedding gift, but I see you’re not going to need it!” She pokes the hickey on his neck with her gnarled forefinger, hard enough to hurt.

“Um, thanks, Auntie. I appreciate your thinking of us.” Kagami puts a hand over the livid bruise. It’s the only (currently visible) one he has, thank the gods. “Is Madara-sama in?”

She hands him a bottle and two cups and waves him towards the back.

“Back so soon? I assume you had a good talk with your betrothed, given how reasonable he usually is.” Madara gives Kagami an expectant look over his shochu.

“Very good, thank you,” Kagami smiles and holds up his cup in salute. “Kampai.”

Madara rolls his eyes. “Are you going to make me play a guessing game?”

“No, Madara-sama. I won’t take up a lot of your time.” Kagami withdraws the scroll from a fold in his clothing. “The Senju have withdrawn the requirement that offended you, and have acquiesced to other significant demands.” 

Madara gives him a deeply skeptical look, but he unrolls the scroll and scans it. “Well, well. No list, _and_ he’s offered to add a wing to his house.” He looks up, at the bruise over Kagami’s high collar, and takes a drink. “Do I even want to know how you made that happen?”

“If it’s all the same to you, I prefer to keep it between myself and my husband-to-be.” Kagami pours them both another cup, shoots his, and then stands, relishing the pleasant aches in various parts of his body. “You said to use advanced negotiation. I guess by some definition, this qualified.”

Then he bows, and walks out of the tavern smiling.

_\--End_

**Author's Note:**

> In this one the Uchiha ended up with a vague Yakuza feel. The finger-cutting thing is totally not practical for shinobi, but it seems like something Madara would do just to be extra. And there is a lot of anachronistic language, which I initially tried to tone down but then just left as-is.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read the self-indulgent rubbish I write to amuse myself! :)


End file.
